Forbidden
Colors:
Simone’s Notes:
Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or
understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's
deep and strong romantic affection or consciously reject it. The Merriam Webster
Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind."
Psychiatrist Eric Berne states in his
book Sex in Human Loving that "Some say that one-sided love is better than none,
but like half a loaf of bread, it is likely to grow hard and moldy sooner."
Others, however, like the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, considered that
"indispensable...to the lover is his unrequited love, which he would at no price
relinquish for a state of indifference." It can also be contrasted with
redamancy or the act of reciprocal love.
Alex sat by
Toby’s bed. His crush still hadn’t woken up. Even if he did, Toby would have to
have close care and relearn how to do everything. Alex put his hand to his
chest.
“Toby,” he
whispered. “I am so sorry for this. I… I didn’t think they would catch up to me
like that.” He lowered his hand and broke down crying. “It’s all my fault. It’s
all my fault.”
Alex began to
think back to the brief time he and Toby spent together. That was the first time
in months that he felt safe around someone. Despite hiding the worst of his
ordeals, he felt like he could open up to the other boy. Toby didn’t judge him
or look down upon him in sympathy. Alex felt so comfortable around him that he
had hoped to eventually confess his feelings to him and open up about all of the
hell he had been through. Edward prevented that from happening with the attack.
It still hurt for Alex to remember that night. He couldn’t tell the military
police much at first.
“Look,” Mustang
said, putting his arm around the boy. “We want to help you. But we can’t do that
if you won’t tell us anything.” Alex shook his head in the interrogation room.
“I can’t,” he
whispered.
“Take your time
if you have to,” Hawkeye said. Toby’s case was still ongoing.
Alex tried to
make himself think about something else. He remembered all of the good times he
spent with Toby again. They rode bikes through the park. Alex found their
conversations to relaxing. Toby even made the first move in telling him his
deepest secrets and holding his hand in public.
“Are you sure
this is okay?” Alex asked the first time Toby took hold of his hand in the park.
His dear friend gave him a charming smile.
“If they talk,”
he said. “Let them talk.”
“But…”
“Who cares what
they think? The only thing that matters is if you want me to hold your hand or
not.”
Alex looked at
him with big eyes as he took the other boy’s hand. To be honest, he found that
he enjoyed this new step in their relationship. The boy had been on the mend
when around his new friend. Sometimes, he wondered what that kiss could’ve led
to. He still wasn’t too comfortable about sex yet. So much violation destroyed
his faith in intimacy. Even still, Alex saw his future in Toby. He even hoped to
marry him one day.
Alex picked up
the comatose boy’s hand and kissed it. He looked up when he heard the door open.
A man with flowers stood in the doorway.
“Who are you?”
he asked. Alex rose to his feet as he pressed his lips together.
“A friend,” he
replied. “I am just a friend. Excuse me.” He bowed his head and walked past the
man.
“Hey!” Toby’s
father shouted. But, Alex was too far down the hall to hear him. The boy made it
outside of the hospital before he finally broke down crying on a bench near the
steps.
Toby, I am so sorry! The tears didn’t seem to stop running. The more the pain in his hear twisting, the more they spilled from his eyes. Would this poor lamb ever know what happiness or experience true love again?