Guilt Trip #099

Simone’s Notes:

Traditional Japanese society and Ancient Greek society are sometimes said to be "shame-based" rather than "guilt-based" in that the social consequences of "getting caught" are seen as more important than the individual feelings or experiences of the agent. This may lead to more of a focus on etiquette than ethics as understood in Western civilization. This leads some to question why then we would adapt the word ethos from Ancient Greek when their norms are so different from ours.

Edward sat outside in the inn garden in the same afternoon. The day was beautiful, but he didn’t notice at all. The boy was thinking about that hooker he and others found in the tall grasses. The image of her maimed body still haunted him from this morning. All of that blood wouldn’t leave his head so easily. She looked like a crushed flower in an abandoned garden. “How could I just lie like that?” he thought. He wished he hadn’t been out with her last night. Maybe she would still be alive now. Now, she’s dead and he only made things worse by lying about knowing her. “Does that make me a bad person?” he thought in misery. Don’t be daft! The important thing is that your secret is safe now! [That’s not the point, you shameless bastard! Someone died because of me!] Now, you’re being hard on yourself. You didn’t beat her to death and no one will find any evidence of you on her. Just wash your hands of this and you’ll be clean. [But it’s not that easy.] A pause came in the heavy air. Now what? Edward didn’t answer it. *Sigh* Look if it’s about Mika… Ed shook his head. [That’s not it.] The dragon looked at him oddly. Then, what is it?

The problem was clear as day. Edward Elric was turning into a sex addict. He didn’t want to admit it but it was true. But, the evidence was right in front of him. Thousands of porn discs, he was at brothels almost every night, practically begging Winry for sex every chance they got, and lusting after many girls that walked by him. Try as he liked to ignore and deny the problem, it was still going to be there like an untreated open wound. But that wasn’t the only sign. He hadn’t slept to well in weeks and that could everyone’s attention too easily. The tired look all over him was too hard to miss. When everyone asked him what was wrong, Ed would just snap at them and hurry off to avoid them for the rest of the day. The couch in his suite room wasn’t helping either. He just about gave up on trying to get back into bed with Winry again. She was a wall on that one. “Until do can behave yourself and stop acting like a creep,” she told him again and again. “You will remain sleeping on the couch!” That was too hard to handle. Aw don’t worry; you’ll be back in her bed again soon. Just hang in there. The hookers knew him too well. They all waved and blew kisses at him as he walked by them in the Red Light District. That right there was a clear sign! He was lucky that his girlfriend hadn’t caught onto the growing problem. How did this problem get to be so big? It was supposed to be just a couple of porn films late at night and nothing else. But now, it became this. Edward was curing the cancer, he was feeding it! Where was the end to all of this? Was there an end to this? This was killing him slowly. Aw, come on. It’s not all that bad. You’re not really cheating on Winry! [I’m just supplying an outlet, I know, I know!] But was it really that or just a justification to keep on cheating? Whatever it was, Ed just felt sick to his stomach about it afterwards. He wished he could’ve said no to lusty escapades the women had to offer.

Listen buddy, you know what you need? A nice healthy dose of porn! [No! That only makes things worse!] But you have to take your mind off of it somehow. The beast was right about that one. Edward had to try not to think about that sweet orange hooker anymore or he would loose his mind. But could he think about? Sex was on his mind a lot lately. It had taken over his normal rational thoughts. It was almost as if someone else was putting these lusty thoughts in his head one drop at a time. Ed just couldn’t escape the sexual prison that he had grown accustomed to. Sex was everywhere for him. He looked at every woman like a dog to a juicy piece of veal. Women. Why were most men attracted to them? They had special parts men never had. They knew had to work their “tricks” to attract a mate. Men could only put up their hands and confess that their sexy counterparts were far too superior than they would ever be. Women had everything-- looks, brains, charm, power, they had it all! No wonder the male species coveted them so much! Women had such a powerful hold over them and they knew it! They were like pure gold to the male species!

Edward suddenly found himself feeling horny again. This was always the reaction that came to him whenever he thought about women. This behavior had nearly gotten him in trouble with Winry one too many times. She would naturally get angry at him for looking to closely at other women. Ed knew that he should be worried when his girlfriend got pissed at him for that, but strangely she would turn him on with her anger. The boy would try to reach out and grab his girl by the breasts. Despite the obvious end result, he still did so anyway. The pain that followed afterwards only made him hornier. The more Edward kept trying to grab and squeeze Winry’s tits, the more annoyed and disgusted she became. “Edward,” she would scream out to call his attention. “What has gotten into you?!?” But, he wouldn’t listen to her and keep on trying to grab her. In the end, his girlfriend would just get up and walk away until he could behave himself again. Ed was always ashamed and hungry for sex all over again. This was getting to be too much of a habit for him lately. Even Matt and Ralph looked down upon him in shame and pity. “Dude,” either one of them would say. “You’re got to get a grip!” The alchemist would roll his eyes annoyed, wave them off, and walk away. It was clear that they too saw the problem all too well just like he did.

The alchemist tried to think about that would turn him off again. Usually that was successful, but today that reliable trick failed him. He couldn’t think of anything that would turn him off. Winry’s anger only made him hornier. Sleeping with Stef only made him curious to know what it would be like with a man. Even making out with Torii seemed to be exciting. Edward shook his head wildly. I don’t see why you’re getting so worked up about. It’s only a little fun here and there. [Oh, that’s easy for you to say!] That damn dragon was pulling at its host strings and mocking him. It was the only one benefiting for all the excess sex. Every day, that dragon grew bigger ans stronger from every piece of a sexual act that he participated in. This beast felt no shame or guilt in doing so. In fact, it didn’t even care if Edward was suffering or not afterwards. It was happy to get what it wanted. And when its host refused to be involved sexually in anything, the dragon found new ways torment him until he submitted to its hungry demands. Right then, Edward discovered something sickening. He wasn’t controlling the dragon, it was controlling him! Come on, I’m hungry now! [Oh for Christ’s sake would you just shut up!!!] Excuse me, but are you asking me or telling me to shut up? You seem to forget that I hold your sanity in my claws and I can drive you into madness whenever I please! Edward sat back on the bench in weak silence. Usually, he would fight back against a statement like that under normal circumstances. But as one could see, this was not under normal circumstances! [I’m sorry. I’m just going out of my mind.] You are forgiven. Edward sat there and held his tongue wisely. He hated that beast with a passion but yet, he was powerless to do anything to do anything against it. “I need something…” Edward thought in distress. That’s would he saw her…