To Trust:
Simone’s Notes:
The Jewish Encyclopedia of 1906 rejects the otherwise accepted etymological
relation between the Persian "Æshma-dæva" and Judaism's "Ashmodai" claiming that
the particle "-dæva" could not have become "-dai" and that Æshma-dæva as such—a
compound name—never appears in Persian sacred texts. Still, the encyclopedia
proposes that the "Asmodeus" from the Apocrypha and the Testament of Solomon are
not only related somewhat to Aeshma but have similar behaviour, appearance and
roles, to conclude in another article under the entry "Aeshma", in the paragraph
"Influence of Persian Beliefs on Judaism" that Persian Zoroastrian beliefs could
have heavily influenced Judaism's theology on the long term, bearing in mind
that in some texts there are crucial conceptual differences while in others
there seems to be a great deal of similarity, proposing a pattern of influence
over folk beliefs that would extend further to the mythology itself in general.
-Derdra-
I don’t know how much more I can take of this. Each confession that he makes
tears me up inside.
He doesn’t know
how to stop either. It’s his only way to cope with his nature. However, I have
become his sin eater as a result. I don’t want to play that role anymore. It
makes me so sick thinking about it. Every morning I wake up, I just want to
scream out my insanity in an attempt to get some relief. The best thing to do
for this is to go to the police. However, I promised that I wouldn't and now I
am stuck. I shudder as I shake my head in bed. Edward turned my face towards
him.
“What’s the matter, Derdra?” he asked. I can’t bring myself to tell him the
truth. He probably could see right through me anyway. What do I say to him? We
play this game night after night. Nothing will change until I say something,
anything. The problem is that I can never find the right words to break it to
him. For days, I tried to pick out what I want to say to him. Now that I am here
in front of him, all of my words are gone. I have no choice but to dive in with
it.
“We can’t do this anymore,” I say at last. I can already see the hurt in his
eyes.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I can’t take it any longer. You tell me too much.”
“I have no other choice but to do so.”
I tried to turn to Winry for help. She doesn’t know how to deal with the
situation either. She won’t even say his name. Edward avoids her because he
doesn’t want her to see him like this. However, I can’t understand why he
chooses me instead.
“Don’t get it,” I speak up.
“Don’t get what?” he asks, making a face at me.
“Why do you come to me with all of these confessions night after night? Why
would you tell me such awful things?”
His thumb brushes up against my cheek. “You are the only one can trust.”
“But why me?”
He tries to kiss me, but I push him away. Edward gives me a sad look in his
eyes. I shut my eyes and turn my head. “Edward, please. Don’t do this to me
now.” He holds me to his chest. His grip is enough to subdue me and my frantic
desire to fight him off. I heavily breathe out with unease. Edward begins
shushing me.
“I am so sorry to put you through all of my problems,” he confesses. “I really
am, but I have nowhere to turn to. I know if you can’t take all of this, Winry
certainly can’t take any of it.” I looked up at him with big eyes.
“But I’m at my wit’s end with everything. We have to stop this before it all
gets out of hand.”
He takes my cheeks into his hand. “I have something to show you.”
I shake my head at him. “No! I don’t want to see it, whatever it is!”
“Please!”
His shouting makes me jump in his arms. He has never raised at me before. I
lower my head with his tone. “I’m sorry…”
He shakes his head. “No, I am sorry.” He turns my head back towards him.
“Please, I really want to show you something. Come with me tomorrow night. I beg
of you.”
I sigh and lower my shoulders in his grasp. “Alright. I’ll come with you.” He
kisses me on the lips.
“Thank you, Derdra,” he whispers. I force myself to smile in discomfort as I nod. I don’t know how much longer we can keep this game going any longer.