STD Testing:

Simone’s Notes:

STIs, also referred to as sexually transmissible diseases, STDs, venereal diseases, VD, or infrequently, social disease, are diseases or infections that have a significant probability of transmission between humans by means of sexual contact, vaginal intercourse, oral sex, or anal sex. Some of the STIs can be also transmitted through birth, IV needles, or breastfeeding.

Edward sat in the doctor’s office at St. Mary’s Touch nervously. He was here for an STD testing. This notion came about when he overheard some of the men in the Red Light District talking about how they got syphilis from some of the local hookers. Ed became nervous about this and quickly ran to get tested. The alchemist looked all around him. The only sound in the room was the ticking clock high on the wall. White was everywhere in the waiting room. There weren’t many people here this morning. The only person there besides him was an old homeless man. That was good for him. “At least I won’t see anybody I know here!” he thought in relief. He planned to get this done and over with as soon as possible without anybody seeing here. He just couldn’t let Winry know what he had been up to. If only it was that simple.

Then, the door opened wide. Edward and the old man quickly looked up. Anjia stood in the doorway looking around. “Is Elric-san here?” she asked aloud. Edward quickly rose to his feet. “Yes! I’m here!” he said quickly. Anjia just kept staring at him. “Okay,” she said. “Right this way.” The alchemist followed close behind her. “Sit here,” the nurse said as pointed to the bed. Edward complied. Anjia read the chart to herself. “So,” she spoke up. “You are here for an STD testing?” “Yes!” he said quickly. The nurse turned back to him. She studied him for a long while. “You look familiar,” she began. “Haven’t I seen you from somewhere?” Ed became slightly nervous. “Uh… no…” he said uneasily. Anjia didn’t buy it! She stepped closer to get another look. Then, it hit her fast! “You’re Derdra’s boyfriend!” she exclaimed. Edward’s eyes grew big in fear. “No! No!” he called out. “It’s nothing like that!” Anjia raised her eyebrow. “What do you mean?” she asked. “You mean…” “It’s complicated, okay!” Edward snapped. “Look, can I have another nurse to do my testing!” Anjia’s face became bitter and cold. “Look!” she barked harshly she her arms folded across her chest. “I don’t care about you and your affairs! But let me tell you this! You only have two options for this test, me or Nurse Turner. If I do your test, at least details about your sex life will be kept confidential. But if Nurse Turner does it, your dirt will be known everywhere! She is bitch with a huge mouth! So you’re better off with me doing the test! Now, do you still wish to get another nurse for your test?”

Edward stared at her with big eyes. He was trapped. The boy felt like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill Vol. 2 where she was tied and gagged and about to be buried alive with either pepper spray to the eyes or a flashlight. Nurse Turner was the pepper spray and Anjia was the flashlight. Silence came in a while. Finally, the alchemist looked away in guilt and pointed at Anjia in silence. The nurse smiled at him mercifully. “Smart choice!” she replied. “Everything will be confidential like I promised.” Then, the nurse put her gloves on and worked over to the drawer behind her. Edward looked up to see what she was doing. Anjia returned back with the needle. The alchemist quickly panicked. “What’s that for?!?” he yelled out. “I have to get a sample of your blood for the test,” she answered. “Now take off your jacket!” “NOOO!!!” he cried out. “Anything but that!” Anjia sighed. “This is the only way to do this test,” she spoke up. “Now sit down or I’ll have to call someone in to hold you down so I can do this!” Ed froze and went pale. Then he sat down and took off his jacket. He really needed this test. His sex life depended on it badly. Anjia smiled again. “Very good,” she said. Then, she got started.

Anjia lightly took Edward’s strong left arm and cleaned it with rubbing alcohol. Then, she tied the strap around his room tightly so she could find the veins easier. The nurse then took the needle and stuck it into his arm slowly. Ed winced in pain. Anjia began to draw the blood. “You can look away if you like!” she told him. That toughened him up quickly. “I can take it!” he barked. “Suit yourself.” Anjia replied. When she was finished, the nurse drew out the needle and cleaned his arm. Edward looked at her confused. “That’s it?” he asked. “Uh-huh,” Anjia answered. “You’ll know your results by this afternoon.” Edward’s eyes grew big in worry again. “THIS AFTERNOON?!?” he yelled out. The nurse nodded as she tried to quiet him down. “That is the quickest we got have a regular STD test done,” she replied calmly. “Now, go home!” Edward got some of his courage back, rose to his feet, and left the doctor’s office.

That damn test stayed on Ed’s mind the whole morning. He was worried that the results would come back positive. What would he tell Winry now? What about Derdra? Would Anjia break his trust and tell his sexy buddy that he was in the hospital for an STD test? All of these thoughts just wouldn’t leave his head. Relax pal! You’re probably as clean as snow. [And if I’m not?] Then, it’s probably simple to treat and you’ll be fine! [And if it’s not?] Well, then you’re screwed! [Oh, that helps!] Aw, you worry too much kid! You need to take it easy like me at times! Edward didn’t even commit on that statement. That dragon was just a sick little beast. It wouldn’t stop until it was fed. This creature didn’t care what the woman looked like. It just wanted her naked and any sexual position it was in the mood for. It also didn’t seem to recognize “commitment” or “marriage.” Edward shook his head in disgust again. Just thinking about that little beast made him feel dirty all over again. “What the hell did that bitch, Ai-Oni, do to me?” he thought. Part of him wanted to kill her, but yet another part of him wanted to screw here senselessly. She was just that powerful to him.

But by afternoon, things turned around for the better. Edward got his results back and they were negative. The alchemist could breathe easily again. He was clean. See? What did I tell ya? I knew you would be clean. Now, you can relax again, take better measures, and f**k as many girls as you like! [Yep! I sure can!] Then, Edward sat back on the sofa, turned on the TV, and watched some more porn. The nightmare was over. (For now, anyway.)