Guilt Trip #0072

Simone’s Notes:

This plague called guilt never really goes away. It lingers on and keeps growing. We can face it or ignore it. We often pretend it doesn’t exist. But what good does that ever do? That only makes the guilt even more painful than it was in the beginning. Our conscience just keeps hitting the guilty panic button until we fix the button. But can we really hear it? Our is it just like our alarm clocks in the morning where we just hit the snooze button and go back to sleep?

“You know, this was a good idea at the beginning,” Edward said aloud as he stared up at the lovely Heaven-painted ceiling. “But now, I’m just not so sure anymore.” The young alchemist sighed to himself in misery. This was supposed to be simple. Just go see a hooker, sleep with her, and that was it. So, what was the problem now? He was in Pleasure House in the Red Light Distract. The Pleasure House was a famous Tea House in Amestris. Tea Houses were like brothel houses but only for the elite and rich. They had the best liquor and service in the distract. Tea Houses were like Club 75 only much stricter on the rules of conduct and allowed no drugs or weapons to come into the buildings. They even had the best-looking girls there as well. Men and sometimes women would give up everything just to even set foot into such lovely buildings. Ed had the money to pay for a girl there. The boy had come alone on his lunch break. (Business was low at this hour. “Best time for a quick screw!” Ralph would say.) He still wanted more sex. The high of Ai-Oni’s pleasure from her visit was wearing off by then and Winry still hadn’t come back to the inn. The walls in the room of the inn were slowly driving the young alchemist crazy. He had to get and fast. So now, Ed was lying in a red and black silk bed at this lush and rich Tea House. But something didn’t really feel right.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Moscow Girl said next to him as she sat up to look at him. “You chose well to come here at this hour. I was getting bored myself of the lack of activity. You are a stallion in bed.” She lightly ran her finger around in circles on his chest. The young alchemist said nothing and just looked into her greenish-blue eyes. Moscow Girl was a rare beauty in deed. Her hair was thick rich red silk. Her flawless skin was fair and a soft white porcelain color. The young hooker’s breasts were thick and natural. She smelt of Russian vodka, in a sexy way of course. Her accent was deep and fulfilling. Edward chose Moscow Girl because she was the only available and beautiful girl available at the time. Even her dark make-up was perfect on her. She was definitely a wild cat in bed. The flesh on Ed’s body was covered in bite marks, scratches, and hickeys. He certainly got his money’s worth for the afternoon. But now, that glow was dying away. What was there left to do once the sexual need had been met? Is that it or is there more?

Moscow Girl cuddled up close to her client as she lightly brushed her leg up against his right one. Edward didn’t seem to be reacting to anything she did. He just felt completely numb. The young alchemist didn’t feel this way after the heat of the moment with Winry or Derdra. So what was so different now? Mind you, Moscow Girl was a decent girl. But that was all about her. There was nothing about her that kept his attention long enough to be with her. Ed just got what he wanted and now wanted to leave. The hooker’s glow in her face vanished. “Look,” she said flatly. “If you want to leave, you can go now!” Ed just silently stared at her. “I can?” he asked. Moscow Girl nodded strongly. In stunned silence, the young alchemist got out of bed and slowly got dressed. His hooker stared lustfully at him as he did do. She clearly enjoyed herself. “Now, if I could get more men like him to come out here more often…” Moscow Girl thought. Ed reached into his jacket and paid the girl her fee. “Thanks,” she said. “Come back again!” The young alchemist tried to smile at her. “What makes you think I will?” he asked in a fake pride tone. The hooker kept smiling at him. “Oh, I know you will!” she said in a seductive voice. “I know you will!” Even though he was ashamed to admit it, Edward knew that she was right. It was just a simple fact to him now.

Ed wandered around the Red Light Distract for a good while. Sex. It was everywhere here. Brothels, tea houses, massage parlors, restaurants, bars, and even in ads. The Red Light Distract completely breathed out sex. As he thought about this, Edward realized a disturbing change about himself. Sex was more and more on his mind lately. He often found himself staring at Winry’s breasts were she was yelling at him. The boy even wanted to reach out and grab them a couple times. Ed found himself always trying to course his girlfriend into sleeping with him almost every chance they were alone together. He couldn’t understand why she got annoyed when he tried to get more from her. Then, there was Derdra Chopin. She and Ed had become f**k buddies ever since that night in the hospital. She was a beautiful girl, he had to admit that. But what would happen if one of them got emotionally attached to the other? That would spell out trouble for everyone in involved. Edward already had Winry as his girlfriend.

The young alchemist passed a sex toy shop. Another thought crossed his mind. What if Winry found out about him and Derdra? She already *slightly* forgave him for messing around with Shannon. This new thing with Derdra would really destroy the fragile trust that had been rebuilt. He began afraid as he saw his girlfriend’s angry face at the truth. “You cheated on me again, huh?” he could hear her yelling. “Something told me not to get you a second chance! Get out of my life for good!” Then his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend would get out her wrench and beat without mercy. The young alchemist shunned in fear at that little thought. But yet, Edward found himself turned on by Winry’s anger. He wanted to see what perverse thing she would do with her wrench. The young alchemist quickly shook himself back to reality. “There I go again!” he thought sickly. “She’s not a sex object! Both of them aren’t! So why am I seeing them that way?” Edward was caught shame and disgust at his recent thoughts. He tried to pull out any thoughts of a Winry-Edward-Derdra threesome. Even those made him sick to his stomach at times.

But what are Shanghai Girl and Moscow Girl? Do they count in this problem too? They were hookers, yes. But they were also people. People who sold their bodies to different men every single day just for money. People who only had their beauty to rely on to buy food and other needs in order to survive. So, why were they treated like trash to everyone? Why do men see them as objects? He felt guilty for doing so himself. But, he just couldn’t help it. That’s what all women seemed to be there for. They used their looks and emotions to get around just fine in life. Women seemed to be the cause of thousands of illegitimate children and empty one-night stands. So why shouldn’t a man be able to screw her senseless whenever he wanted? Ed shut his eyes tightly and shook his head. “Did I just think that?” the young alchemist thought to himself in disgust. Ed tried his hardest to regain some sense in his sex-crazed mind. This whole thing was driving him nuts. He had to get out of this lusty hell before he caused himself more shame. So Edward raced out to the main part of town.

It was just hopeless. Try as he liked with escaping his own desires, Edward found himself back where he started. Ashamed and hungrier than before. He stood still in front of a small café and looked up at the sky. “What the hell did Ai-Oni do to me?” the young alchemist thought to himself. Edward just wanted to go back to bed and forget this day ever happened. Then, it donned on the boy that it was getting late! The other Dark Moons were probably back at the Clover Inn by now and wondering where he got to. He figured that he better go back and one problem still remained. “How the hell do I face Winry after I slept with Moscow Girl?” the young alchemist thought. This battle was short but hard. But, Edward decided to brave it out in the end. “What’s the worst that could happen?” he thought. Right then, Fullmetal felt better and headed back to the Clover Inn. If he had only known that the problem would get worse with a few more wild nights with different women. The ironic part was that the young alchemist would get blinder and blinder to the growing problem he was beginning to have.