Guilt Trip #0017:

Simone’s Notes:

Guilt is a powerful beast that haunts us all. It serves as a panic button to the unconscious. But the tick is if one feels the guilt or not.

Edward awoke in the early hours the next morning. The sun hadn’t even come up yet. St. Mary’s Touch hadn’t even begun its daily active life of the sick and healthy. That same old familiar misery came back to his soul like a bad illness just as if he had paid Shannon another little “visit.” He remembered all too clearly what he did last night. This wasn’t like he to screw just some random female that was attractive-looking to him. No, that was more of Matt and Ralph’s department. So why did he even think about acting out his fantasies with Derdra? “I did again,” he thought. “I cheated on Winry. How could I treat her this way? I’m already in trouble with her for my escapades with Shannon. What about going to say about this one?” The guilt was completely overwhelming this time. How did he let himself go astray again? Winry had almost left Ed twice because of his actions. He promised that he would stop seeing Shannon Parker and stay true to her. So far, Edward managed to avoid Shannon like the plague. Oddly, she didn’t try to hit on him as usual. (His guess was that she found another boy toy to screw around with. Ed pitied her husband, Perry, for what he had to deal with every single day. Everyone did. The poor soul. That’s part of the reason why Ed felt so guilty about sleeping with Shannon.) So far in the past six months, Edward and Winry kept their relationship strong. And for while, things looked as if they would be all sunny and rosy between them once more. Well, good luck to that one all over again!

Edward felt a warm body curl up against him. He quickly looked down to see Derdra lying on him. She looked so innocent in her sleep. Her face was in a lovely glow. Ed was tempted to lean down and lightly kiss her on the lips. But then it cam again. That nagging pain called guilt. The young alchemist felt like a dirty pervert all of a sudden. He felt so bad all over again for what he did last night to the young nurse. “I feel as if I have taken advantage of her!” Ed thought. He had seduced her into a one-night stand with him. But, was it all? Was this really just a one-night stand? Or would more nights like this follow? The worst part about this was he actually enjoyed it! He wanted to sleep with Derdra as much as he pleased! He was a man and could have whatever he liked in a woman! That’s just how it is and how it should be!

But, did he really love Derdra? Or did he just see her as a sex object? And did he feel the same way about Winry? Were they just all sex objects for him to satisfy his sexual cravings whenever he had to cure them? Ed smacked himself in the head with his left hand. “This whole thing is making my head hurt!” he thought loudly to himself. With them, Derdra just turned over on her other side and cuddled up close to him in her sleep. That seemed to put some of Edward’s worry at ease. For a while. He lightly pushed one of the spiral bangs aside and lightly kissed her on the tip of her cute little puppy nose. “Sleep well Derdra-chan,” the young alchemist whispered to her. Ed tried to go back to sleep but it was no use. Guilt wouldn’t let him sleep. All he could do was lie awake and stare at the ceiling the entire morning. This wasn’t how he wanted to wake up with a hot girl after a steamy night of passion.

By sunrise, life seemed to have returned to normal. On the surface at least. Edward was finally checked out of the hospital. Derdra went with work as if last night had never existed. Ed seemed to have felt normal about everything already. That is until he saw Winry in the waiting room. She smiling and waving him over to her like a faithful bride who was excited to see her husband come home from long trip overseas. The evil little monster called guilt arose in him yet again. Should he even tell her the truth? Could he even bring himself to do such a thing to an angel? Winry rushed over to the young alchemist and embraced him tightly. Edward felt so uncomfortable. He almost felt sick to his stomach. “Hi Winry….” the young alchemist said in an uneasy voice. “Poppy told me everything,” she exclaimed in relief. “I’m so glad that you are alright.” At that point, Ed had his answer. He mustn’t tell his girlfriend about that affair he had with Nurse Chopin last night. But he would do so later. At last, Winry let go as Edward. “Come on,” she said. “The others at waiting for you at the inn.” *Sweat drop on Ed’s head* “Oh buddy!” he said aloud. “Not those drunks again!” Winry didn’t really hear him. She was too busy dragging him out the door into the bright sunny day.