Forbidden Colors:

Simone’s Notes:

Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affection or consciously reject it. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind."  Psychiatrist Eric Berne states in his book Sex in Human Loving that "Some say that one-sided love is better than none, but like half a loaf of bread, it is likely to grow hard and moldy sooner." Others, however, like the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, considered that "indispensable...to the lover is his unrequited love, which he would at no price relinquish for a state of indifference." It can also be contrasted with redamancy or the act of reciprocal love.

Alex sat by Toby’s bed. His crush still hadn’t woken up. Even if he did, Toby would have to have close care and relearn how to do everything. Alex put his hand to his chest.

“Toby,” he whispered. “I am so sorry for this. I… I didn’t think they would catch up to me like that.” He lowered his hand and broke down crying. “It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.”

Alex began to think back to the brief time he and Toby spent together. That was the first time in months that he felt safe around someone. Despite hiding the worst of his ordeals, he felt like he could open up to the other boy. Toby didn’t judge him or look down upon him in sympathy. Alex felt so comfortable around him that he had hoped to eventually confess his feelings to him and open up about all of the hell he had been through. Edward prevented that from happening with the attack. It still hurt for Alex to remember that night. He couldn’t tell the military police much at first.

“Look,” Mustang said, putting his arm around the boy. “We want to help you. But we can’t do that if you won’t tell us anything.” Alex shook his head in the interrogation room.

“I can’t,” he whispered.

“Take your time if you have to,” Hawkeye said. Toby’s case was still ongoing.

Alex tried to make himself think about something else. He remembered all of the good times he spent with Toby again. They rode bikes through the park. Alex found their conversations to relaxing. Toby even made the first move in telling him his deepest secrets and holding his hand in public.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Alex asked the first time Toby took hold of his hand in the park. His dear friend gave him a charming smile.

“If they talk,” he said. “Let them talk.”

“But…”

“Who cares what they think? The only thing that matters is if you want me to hold your hand or not.”

Alex looked at him with big eyes as he took the other boy’s hand. To be honest, he found that he enjoyed this new step in their relationship. The boy had been on the mend when around his new friend. Sometimes, he wondered what that kiss could’ve led to. He still wasn’t too comfortable about sex yet. So much violation destroyed his faith in intimacy. Even still, Alex saw his future in Toby. He even hoped to marry him one day.

Alex picked up the comatose boy’s hand and kissed it. He looked up when he heard the door open. A man with flowers stood in the doorway.

“Who are you?” he asked. Alex rose to his feet as he pressed his lips together.

“A friend,” he replied. “I am just a friend. Excuse me.” He bowed his head and walked past the man.

“Hey!” Toby’s father shouted. But, Alex was too far down the hall to hear him. The boy made it outside of the hospital before he finally broke down crying on a bench near the steps.

Toby, I am so sorry! The tears didn’t seem to stop running. The more the pain in his hear twisting, the more they spilled from his eyes. Would this poor lamb ever know what happiness or experience true love again?