The Experience (Pt. 1):

Simone’s Notes:

Confession of sins is part of the Christian faith and practice. The meaning is essentially the same as the criminal one – to admit one's guilt. Confession of one's sins, or at least of one's sinfulness, is seen by most churches as a pre-requisite for becoming a Christian. In Roman Catholic teaching, the Roman Catholic sacrament of Penance is the method given by Christ to the Roman Catholic Church by which individual men and women may confess sins committed after baptism and have them absolved by a priest. This sacrament is known by many names, including penance, reconciliation and confession. While official Church publications always refer to the sacrament as "Penance", "Reconciliation" or "Penance and Reconciliation", many lay Roman Catholics continue to use the term "confession" in reference to the sacrament.

Damon Sanders just stared out the window of Central Headquarters. His life was slowly spiraling out of control. Ai-Oni had reawaked the poison in his heart. Now he was in a tight jam all over again. Today should have started out normal. He got up, washed himself, got dressed, ate breakfast, kissed Carol goodbye, saw his son, Micah, off to school, and went off to work. Simple and normal, huh? Not even close! Damon was sleep-deprived. His childhood nightmares had caught up with him again. He felt so guilty about little Tanya’s death. His parents always blamed him for her death. The col. even blamed himself for her death. The moment that Tanya had slipped from his grasp and into the rushing water forever haunted him in his nightmares. But that wasn’t the only thing that was keeping him up at night.

Damon was also experiencing extreme guilt as well. His addiction was starting up again. Sex. It was everywhere. This wouldn’t be a problem if he was a single guy. But he wasn’t a single guy anymore. Damon had been married for eleven years with an eleven-year-old son. But yet, he was acting and thinking like a horny bachelor. The col. tried his best to fight off his urges this time, but they just kept coming back. The first go around was Hell and a painful journey. The last thing Damon wanted was to go through all of the cheating, lies, and pain all over again. But what could he do? The man wasn’t too sure about his will power anymore. Even Carol’s faith in him didn’t seem to back that up anymore.

Sanders sighed at the thick glass. His breath fogged up as a result. His eyes were red from crying. “I need some help this time!” he thought. Damon’s latest sin was nineteen-year-old Ginny Mason. Three months ago, he had deflowered her. This happened when she was in deep sorrow about losing her best friend, Kate, and she was completely lonely. The col. happened to be there as a shoulder to cry on. It didn’t mean anything then, but now, Damon felt as if he had taken advantage of her. Not only did he commit adultery again, he took advantage of a girl in mourn. And the worst part was that he enjoyed that night he slept with young Ginny. The col. just shut his eyes and shook his head again in misery. Was this lead to more affairs and women? Would he be able to control himself the next time that he and Ginny crossed paths again? All of these questions were giving him a huge migraine again.

Right then, the door flung open wide. Damon turned around quickly. Lt. Gen. Mustang was standing in the doorway checking on him. He had a stack of paperwork in his hands. Sanders began to breathe easily again.

“Oh, it’s you, sir!” he replied. Mustang looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

“Yes,” he replied. “Who else would it be?” Sanders didn’t answer at all. Roy looked at him out of slight concern.

“Sanders,” he spoke up. “Is there something wrong? You look awfully sick today. Is something wrong?” Damon froze at that question. He was tempted to say no. But then, he remembered his situation and what he had to do to beat it again. The col. drew in a deep breath.

“Actually,” he said. “There is something wrong.” Mustang looked at with some vague interest.

“What do you mean?” he asked. Damon stepped away from the window and moved to his desk. Mustang walked further into the office and lightly closed the door behind him. Both men sat on either sides of the desk. Damon looked at the lt. gen. in discomfort. This was always the hardest part of recovery. Damon always visited this step with each attempt to keep himself from spiraling out of control. Would this be the time to save himself from drowning? He didn’t know. Sanders had lost hope days ago. But he just had to say something or else he would good crazy in suffering silence.

“Okay,” Roy spoke up. “What is this about Sanders?” The col. went pale as he took in a deep breath. He began trembling all over. Here came the fire storm.

“I am a sex addict!” Damon boldly announced. Mustang looked at him as if the man had just dropped an atom bomb on him.

“What do you mean?” he asked. Sanders began trembling all over and tears of shame and guilt formed in his eyes. He firmed placed his hands on the desk.

“I’m not proud of it, okay?” he asked. “I have come so close to destroying my marriage with my affairs. My wife has an empty hope in me now. I don’t even believe in myself to stop before going to a strip club. I was lucky that Carol decided to forgive the first time! I’m not even sure she’ll be so forgiving this time! I have already cheated on her again three months ago. I’m even sure I’ll be able to stop myself the next time!” Mustang looked as if he was trying to hang onto a branch during a heavy flood. Sanders was just throwing up all of this personal information onto him. Where did all of this come from? Roy quickly held up his hand.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he said quickly. Damon went silent. The flame alchemist looked at him confused as he tried to put together all of this personal information in his head.

“Help me understand this,” he spoke again. “Why are you telling me all of this?” Damon sat trembling again. Part one of confession was out. Now he had to tell him his purpose.

“I had to get all of this off of my chest,” Sanders explained. “If I kept it in any longer, I would’ve snapped!” Mustang sat there looking at him. Damon took in another breath. The color in his skin was slowly returning. The man had to force himself to keep going. Mustang still couldn’t get the main point.

“So what are you asking me exactly?” he asked. Sanders reached forward and grabbed the lt. gen. by the hands. Roy suddenly felt a tad bit uncomfortable. Damon looked at him helplessly desperate.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to control myself again if I run into that woman I cheated with again!” he pleaded. “I don’t want to make the same mistakes I did the first time! Can’t you help me?” This was an awkward situation now. Mustang wasn’t always too good with people. This really wasn’t his area. But the man was really desperate for help now. How could he soften this without getting scratched?

“Okay listen,” the lt. gen. replied as he lightly pushed Damon’s hand away back into the man’s own lap. “I will help you, but I am not entitled to give advice to anybody.” Sanders looked at him confused.

“What do you mean?” he asked. Mustang smiled at him kindly.

“However, I do know someone who can help you out better.” the flame alchemist replied. Damon looked at him with big eyes.

“Who?” he asked almost pleading.

“Right here,” Roy replied. Then he took out a pen and piece of paper from Sanders’ desk, scribbled Dr. Howard’s number, and handed it back to the col. Damon studied the paper closely. He looked back up at Mustang while pleading eyes.

“Are you sure this will work?” he asked. He was obviously willing to try anything to fix his problem once and for all. Mustang nodded at him confidentially.

“She’ll help you out completely!” Roy reassured the col. “She’s doing a great job with Lt. Col. Thomas!” This gave Damon some hope at last. If Mike could be cured, then there was still hope for him yet! Sanders rose to his feet in a happy rush.

“Thank you sir!” he called out. “I’ll go see her right away! Oh! I could just hug and kiss you right now…” Mustang quickly held up his hand to stop him.

“Please don’t!” he said quickly. “That’s okay.” Sanders smiled sheepishly.

“Okay, right,” he said. “That would be awkward.”

“Yeah!” Roy said quickly. Silence passed over both them quickly.

“Well,” Damon said breathfully. “Better get back to work!”

“Yeah,” Mustang said. Then he stood up and left Sanders’ office. Damon just stood there smiling guilt-free. There was hope for him after all. He just couldn’t give up the good fight just yet. But that wasn’t going to be enough for the battle yet to come. This was only day one my friends!