Apollo’s Song:

Simone’s Notes:

Admiration plays a significant part in this, as 'in the case of a schoolgirl crush on a boy or on a male teacher. The girl starts off admiring the teacher... [then] may get hung up on the teacher and follow him around'. Then there may be shame at being confronted with the fact that 'you've got what's called a crush on him...Think if someone was hanging around you, pestering and sighing'. Of course 'sex may come into this...with an infatuated schoolgirl or schoolboy' as well, producing the 'stricken gaze, a compulsive movement of the throat...an "I'm lying down and I don't care if you walk on me, babe", expression' of infatuation. Such a cocktail of emotions 'may even falsify the "erotic sense of reality": when a person in love estimates his partner's virtues he is usually not very realistic...projection of all his ideals onto the partner's personality'.

Loathing, worry, guilt, hope.

That is all that is inside of Edward now.

He can’t grasp why.

Tonight, he is digging within himself in an attempt to understand.

When Mya and her plaything were sound asleep,

Edward closed his eyes,

Took a trip deep into his soul.

Loathing

He knows this feeling too well.

So much so, that he almost ignores it.

Almost.

It sits back and watches.

Laughing at him.

Licking its lips.

Edward doesn’t know how to make it go away.

Still, there are three others to deal with.

Worry

This is another old friend of his.

However, it is for a different reason.

What will happen to Derdra and Winry when this over?

He needed a way to secure their safety through the storm unfolding

Overhead.

He knew that he had to work fast too.

Worry constantly breathed down his neck.

It whispers in his ear and tries to kiss his neck.

Edward doesn’t know how to push worry off.

Guilt

Another old friend of his.

It surprised Edward that guilt never left.

Perhaps it was in hiding when he was turned.

This was one of the rare nights it paid him a visit.

Guilt sat on the couch, smoking a cigarette.

Its facial expression had never changed from the first time

His addiction began.

Edward found himself desperate to get rid of it

But, guilt refuses to leave

On this visit tonight.

Sure, it will hide,

But guilt it won’t leave.

Hope

Ah, this one.

Edward knows she is there,

But she is hiding from him.

He has a clear idea of why.

The other three guests scare her off.

Still, Edward doesn’t want to let go of hope.

However, he isn’t so sure of why he can’t.

Maybe…

Just maybe…

Edward huddled up into a ball and screamed.

This wasn’t helping.

Too much clouded his mind.

There had to be something else.

Maybe…

He could get rid of the distraction in his life.

What it was, he had a good guess.

Maybe…

Then just maybe…

By morning, Edward open his eyes.

He knew what he had to do.